Collective Writings – 2

Here’s another round



I remember the days
I’d wrap my arms around you.
You seemed frail.
You almost fell apart.

I’d kiss your shuddering lips
To break you
From your thoughts.

Your mom was livid
When she found you cuddling me
I had no clue why..
Until later.

We didn’t know
That what we were doing was “wrong”
All that I knew
Was that I enjoyed what I felt with you.

But it quickly became clear
That no matter how many people you kissed
You still weren’t happy..
And there wasn’t a person that could make you happy.

The one time I helped you
strap down your breasts
Was the one time
I actually cried for you.

You were born
In the wrong body
And there was nothing that anyone could do
To change your fate.


I can’t remember the last time that I saw your face
It was a quick glance.

A cold floor
Sheen with wax daily.

A chair within your room,
Tucked away in a corner,
I found myself sitting there..

You were drinking water by way of a sponge
Toothless for the first time in ages.

Your lips curled towards your mouth
Your voice was a little hoarse.

We were trying to laugh
But secretly praying you’d just shit already.

10 lbs lighter, you were..
A little less resilient than before…

But you were still you.

I never saw the gun you used.
I walk over the spot it happened…
And I can’t help but want to lay there
For days.

I wonder if she stays there
For hopes that you’re still there with her
Like your “little indian” that would come and go..

I can’t say that I don’t believe in that stuff,
Because I do.

I can’t say that I hope that you aren’t there
Because I do.

But I hate how little of you
There is left in that house.

You’re just a memory now
Ashes laying in the ground.

And when I remember that
It brings me to my knees,
every. damn. time.


There’s only so many times
that I can tell you to leave
before the words
Make you numb.

They make you as numb
As I felt on the very day
When my head was being bashed
Into windows, walls and floors.

As numb as I feel
On a day to day basis
When all I feel I am doing
is just breathing to keep alive.

What is living when you’re numb?
Is it waiting for a new breath
to bring hope to you?
Or is it just that.. living.

I’ve told you to leave
because love doesn’t happen to me.
It doesn’t fall into my lap
Like you did.

I have to work hard for it
Prove my self worth for it
And break down walls
For it.

None of that happened
When I met you..
So is this love?
Or are we just numb?



You held me close
muffling my cried
As I told you the things
I kept behind my eyes.

The truths streamed out
Like a never ending rapid
eroding away
at the strongest rock.

I told you
That you deserved better.
I tol you the lies
That I told myself daily.

When I awoke the next day,
You were still beside me…
But you were clinging
To the fabric that I wore.

Never let go,
Never give up
Because then I’ll never
Give up on myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s