Failure

Sometimes, you just feel down. Like you’re failing in every aspect of life.

Today, I am feeling this way. I applied and interviewed for a higher position at work. This was my second time applying for a promotion. The first time was for QLT, which is Quality Lead Technician. It’s 50/50 office time and being a master on the floor. Well, that was back in December/January, not too long into me working at my job.

Two weeks ago I applied for a TLT position which is a training lead technician, once again 50/50 office/training hours and the other part a master on the floor. My interview was a day early last week, brought upon due to the training supervisor not realizing that she scheduled the interview for the day that she had off. So, thankfully, I had emailed the presentation for my interview to the QMR (quality manager) so she already had it. I felt prepared for it, it went REALLY well. I didn’t have to force myself to say things. It flowed.

Well, then I found out someone who’s been working there longer than me applied for it, I knew there was going to be a good chance that she would get it since she’s already a master PCT.. but still.. when I found out today that I didn’t get the position I felt like a failure. I still feel really uneasy about it. More than when I got turned down from QLT for it. Even though I found about not getting the QLT position WEEKS after the person who got the job did. So that is a bit fucked up.

Regardless, we all have times when we feel like we’re failures. Where we’ve let ourselves down in some way. And that’s how I feel right now. Even though I’m currently working on the math class so that I can apply to become an apprentice electrician through the union.

Today, i’m just letting myself sulk, because that’s how I feel right now. And I need to feel and acknowledge this emotion in order to move on and move past it.

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