Where I Stand Now

Lately life has felt like a roller coaster that’s about to derail. October flew by. It was littered with texts between family updating one another about my Grandfather’s health. It was spent walking the streets of St Louis (oh how I wish I could still be on that vacation)… it was also recently spent with walking on my Grandpa’s black walnut plantation.

This month has been a toll on my emotions. And while I realize that life is fleeting, that we’re only given so much on this planet.. it makes me wonder if anyone ever is living the life they had imagined. Between picture perfect posts from some of my favorite photographers it really makes me wonder if they’re happy with the crazy hustle that they have going on, or if they wish to cut their schedule in half and spend more time with family and at home. Or if they view their crazy chaotic life as some sort of blessing. I wanted to be that person not too long ago. Have a schedule that is jam packed with shoots, cranking out edits… but that’s not me. My heart and my soul rely on nature. Although I wouldn’t mind playing around a bit in food photography.

But another thing is, there’s always that group of people saying chase your dreams. If we all did that, especially after college, we’d all be struggling. A good chunk of us would be financially okay, the rest of us would be miserable and eating ramen. This has caused me to think a lot lately. I have a degree, but is it really worth it right now. I’m not particularly fond of my current job, but I was just offered the morning shift there which is what I’ve been holding out for. Not only that, but it allows me more time with Tyler and we actually end up working the same shift. That hasn’t happened a lot lately. I have a few morning shifts then a few mid to closing shifts scattered in there. But not only that, I want to do something that really challenges me more. Something maybe more mentally, physically. So I’ve been working on a math class to refresh myself on algebra, geometry and other math concepts. I’m planning on applying to the IBEW and sitting for my aptitude test. Hopefully I do well enough for that and get an interview. If I don’t, well then it’s try & try again. I know that people say that money doesn’t bring happiness, but it decreases a lot of worry. Although that’s not the main reason that I’m planning on doing this. I want to be able to prove to myself that I can do a labor intensive job and love it. I’ve never had a job similar to this. And I want to learn, I’m always wanting to learn new things… maybe that’s something I inherited from my grandpa, the passion to learn. When I don’t learn I feel stagnant and bored.

I don’t know why our society tells us one thing when we can’t function on low paying jobs. We struggle as it is post college and very few find their “dream” job right after college. It’s unreal to me. We struggle enough lately to find a job that pays well enough to make it worthwhile and make ends meet. While I do understand that some people are totally okay with being paid less for a job they love, most don’t.


Anyways, this is where I’m going to end this rant… Hope you all have a lovely Wednesday.

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