It’s been a minute. And this is going to be something that isn’t political, something that isn’t going to clog your feed but something that many people deal with and something that I constantly have to remind myself about; body image.
The last few weeks I’ve been ridiculing my legs. Thinking that I’m gaining inches on them and that it’s purely fat. That my stomach area is somehow growing pretty quickly… it’s not.
My self view lately is stemming from a lot of digestive issues I’ve been having lately. I can tell that my intestines aren’t happy which means that they may be inflamed and making me appear bloated and bigger than I really am.
When you have a chronic health issue it really affects you mentally. But at the same time when you have a health care provider that ignores your symptoms it also makes you wonder if it’s all in your mind.
More on that horrible health care provider… in early January I went in for my yearly womanly check up to renew my birth control pill. Over the last year I’ve had a lot of IBS flare ups and the symptoms were becoming more severe and making me miss work. I mentioned this to my gynecologist in hope that she could help me by sending me to a general practitioner or a family practitioner, instead she saw my weight and ridiculed me for gaining 11 lbs in a year.. mind you my appointment was late in the day, the last time I had my physical was late Sept 2015… so at the end of summer, when I’m way more active. So right there, rubbed me wrong. And lately that’s really been weighing on me. Usually I’m not so upset about my weight but I reached out for help for health issues and it fell on deaf ears, it really upset me.
I’m never going to be around the weight that I “need” to be. It’s not because I’m lazy, it’s because the only time I’ve ever been beneath 180 lbs my adult life is when I worked out for 2 hours a day and really tried to restrict what I ate. I’m not doing that again. I know that certain foods flare up my IBS and that’s something I’ve been paying more attention to. Along with taking a supplement for GI health that has pro & pre biotics, digestive enzymes and Whole Foods that help with digestion.
But where do I go from there? Where do I convince my mind and body that hey, I’m not gaining weight, hey I’m okay. Hey, this is me, normal me, I’m not fat.
Let me explain a little more:
I took this picture in the Packers Pro shop at lambeau yesterday… I looked at this image on my phone and immediately thought it was one of those mirrors that make you appear skinnier. I sent it to someone I saw on Tuesday and they said that I looked the exact same way that I had earlier that week. That made me wonder, why has my mind been playing these games. Why do I think that I am heavier than I really am? What makes me think that I am fatter than I am? Why does our mind play games like this? I know that this type of dysmorphia is what causes a LOT of eating and food disorders, but what is the science behind it?
This is something that I’m going to be looking into for myself, to understand what’s going on in my head. But I know that I am not alone in this struggle.
If you have the same feelings & thoughts or information on why our minds play games like this, please comment!