… It’s not your fault.
I know that’s one hell of a blanket statement to begin this with. But it’s the truth. We (your children, your family and your friends) know that you tried to do what you could to salvage your marriage.
To parents who have kids, we may not understand what happened until years from now. All we know initially is this pain, this rift that we’re feeling. It’s as if we’re losing a part of ourselves seeing you both go through so much pain and turmoil. It’s hard for us to see you hold strong throughout the day but by the end of the day you’re an emotional being.. just holding back those tears.
We may never know the entire backstory nor ever want to. All that we know is that this is our new normal. Sometimes that includes splitting our time between both houses. Sometimes that means only seeing one parent every so often. But there is only so much that we can do because we are all the mercy of the court system. As much as we wish we had a say in this whole ordeal, it really doesn’t matter to the court system. They’re the ones that decide what is best and that sometimes isn’t exactly fair when other times it is exactly the way it needs to be.
We know that you fought this for a while. The entire idea of leaving. We know that it’s not easy. And now that I am much older, I know that it wouldn’t be easy. When I was younger I used to think that it would be so easy to just leave someone, so easy to just walk away from something when it gets hard. Lordy, lordy, lordy. I was very naive about that subject. I now understand the logistics behind divorce only because I understand how much of your lives become intertwined when you become married. You join accounts. You share debts. These are not easy things to disperse and figure out financially without really digging deep and cutting things equally in half. Also, not to mention, the fact that you’re leaving a relationship. A relationship that you took time to forge and try your hardest to make strong and try even harder to salvage. We understand.
We understand why you’re tired. And though we may laugh when we catch you asleep on the couch after a long day, we know that you worked hard not because you wanted to but because you needed to. You need to work in order to keep us afloat. You need to work hard in order to pay for things that you didn’t expect you’d have to pay for. I understand, we understand.
We also understand that this choice isn’t easy. It’s never easy to leave someone you’ve loved at one time or another. It’s never easy to try to pick you life back up and figure out how to move on and how to manage things when you just feel like you’re alone on this journey.
Although we understand, we also want you to understand a few things. This is a new journey for us as well. When I said before that you’re not alone on this journey, I meant it. you’re not. We have our own stresses that we’re trying to deal with the best we know how to. Sometimes we act out. Sometimes we cry for whatever reasons and much like you, we try to show that we’re okay about this decision. Ultimately though, we have to understand that this is between you two. Something there is broken and it cannot be repaired anymore. You’ve tried, you’ve given it your all. We forgive you. Although it won’t be easy we will try our best to support this choice. We may not show our response really well, especially if we’re old enough to really understand what’s going on. Like I said before, we may act out. And I’m sorry if we do. We’re just scared. We don’t want to lose any one of you and sometimes, especially like right now, it feels like we will be.
But, divorced parents, eventually it does get easier. You do find a good flow for this life that you’re now living. You make things work. You love your kids, though they may drive you crazy and still may act out for some bit. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty for us. You did what was best for yourselves and for us as a family, even if you think it’s now torn to shreds. We’re still family. A little broken, but still there. Just love us and continue to show us that your love is unconditional no matter the circumstances. We’ll be okay, just give us time.
Dear divorced parents, we still love you. Even if we say that we hate you and also say some hurtful things, we still love you. You’re doing the right thing. Never doubt that. Please.
A child of divorce